apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
