So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
