cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
