Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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