he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He is an equal opportunity slut.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
