he wants to bone in the snuggie
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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