please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
