when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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