i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
