mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
