Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
As shirtless as possible
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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