Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize