And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
