just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
