they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
