I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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