Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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