Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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