marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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