Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
