Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
