I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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