I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He? As in you personified your dick?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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