saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I did not marry a roomba.
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