I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
