I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
