I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize