if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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