i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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