I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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