11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
