You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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