I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
