dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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