The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
