since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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