thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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