Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
