God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
