I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
