I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
