My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
