After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
