The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
