I wanna bring you to show and tell
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
