I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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