C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
