i just wanna soil my oats bro
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have demons in me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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