You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
