I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
