Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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