Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
