; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
