The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
