Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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