There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
