If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
