3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
