i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
