Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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