You just made me feel so damn special
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
