I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
