also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
