the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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