Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
