It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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