I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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