I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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