Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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